TIME TO SMILE HAPPILY... :)

TIME TO SMILE HAPPILY... :)
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Dyas come and go.
With memories of many friends and few foe.
Only one thing is sure, that WE GROW.
We work, we play and we run to strive.
But at this time of year, we are full with BLISS.

Projects, Dead Lines, Lots of Code.
Everyday We learn something new and try to cope.
Tackle the unknown, with calm and without fuss,
For writing a new service, or even for a new Class.
But at this time of year, we all DAZZLE like Flowers.

Meetings, Releases and Production Support.
Vicious circle.. Nooo Nothing that sort.
For any confusion, we can always Start from Start ;)
Iphones, iPads and wars to Deploy..
Yes, they are there, but at this time of year we all are full of JOY..

Another precious year, just passed by.
Achievements to share, many dreams yet to Fly.
New promises are waiting at the door. Where is the time to be Shy.
Open your arms. Embrace the moment quietly.
Because at this time of year its time to SMILE HAPPILY..

H M Badruzzaman

AJJU....

It was a long day. And an eventful one. Starting from almost missed my flight, to the plane going into air pocket
(clear sky turbulence), to the struggle to find my missing check in baggage, to the flat tires of the auto.
It seemed I had it all. I just wanted to go to my room as soon as possible. SAFELY.. After all those events I was in the Metro.
Somehow managed to grab a seat. Holding the bag-pack on my lap with one hand and the handle of the trolley bag
with the other. Looking at the number of stops still to be crossed. I put my head back and closed my eyes.
Trying to push the metro little faster. Suddenly I realized my phone was vibrating. I struggled a little to
get that out of my pocket. It read "KIDDO calling..". I was returning from my engagement. And yes thats she..
My Kiddo... Not long back, I didn't know her. But now just a thought of her brought a bright smile on my face.
Her childlike voice took me to a different world. Her adorable way of teasing me made me feel
everything around me was so perfect. As if she was always there with me from ages. I took the call "Yes kiddo..
I will reach in an hour.. Then I will call you back." I put the phone back in my pocket. My eyes went to
that ring in my right hand. My smile became little wider. I tilted towards the side of my seat. Bolster my head
with the rod at the end of the seat. It was almost a packed coach. There were cacophony all around.
But in those incoherent sounds, I could hear a couple were talking to each other. They were standing just in front of me.

The way they had dressed anyone could make it out that they were out for celebration. The guy must be in his late twenties and the girl
in her early. With the bangles in her hand I concluded that they were a newly married couple. He was talking
in bhojpuri with her. Showing her to a construction site that came on the way, he said thats where he works.
She was little short in height. And with the crowd in the compartment it was tough for her to see that. But she
fought to get her head towards the glass widow to see. And acknowledge him back with pride in her eyes.
Even I turned my head to see that site. It was a multi story building under construction. He said he
carries bricks and cement from ground to those towers with the help of cranes. Her eyes filled with astonishment.
And I could see, with surprise she said - "ITTA UCHA..." that high..??  Don't you get scared..??
He replied her back that he never gets scared with a smile. I could see that her hand grabbed his and
pressed with assurance and then cautiously left it. With his loosely tucked in shirt, a misplaced belt in the unfit jeans, and with a
watch that seemed to be just working. I thought he was feeling little out of place. He was turing his
head quite frequently. I don't know why.? May be to make sure no body was staring towards them. But for the girl,
she was hardly bothered about the rest of the world. As if she has her world just in her hands. Whenever
she was able to find any big facade visible from the window. She would ask whats that. And he would answer them cautiously.
She was wearing a saari, yes it was new, because I could see some paper labels were still attached to it.
I was recalling an article from THE HINDU on how cheap labors from BIHAR, JHARKHAND and WEST BENGAL are exploited
in these construction sites of different cities. I thought it needs real courage to lead a life of such brutal
hardship. But when its the matter of survival. Nothing as is hard as it seems. And in-front of me, I was witnessing
one of them really not bothered about the hardships, not bothered about misery of life. I am sure he must have spent
a big part of his earning for this treat. May be it would be just a small treat. But for me, its a way of saying
life that "YOU CAN BE HARD ON ME... BUT I WILL PLAY IT WELL..." I looked at the blinking red light showing the next
stoppage. 3 more stops and I was going to arrive at my station. I saw an elderly lady struggling to stand. I asked her
"Aunty aap yahan baith jao..." and offered my seat. With a smile she said "THANK YOU BETA.." and I got off my seat
and stood just behind that couple. The metro was about to stop for the next station. And people for this station were arranging themselves
to get out of it. I could see the guy told her wife that they need to get off here. And they were also aligning
themselves with the door. But I realized that moment the metro stopped, there were two more people between the guy and his wife.
And with the door opening, wave of people rushed out of it. The guy got out of the metro. Then few more. And nervously
his wife was getting out. But before that an opposite wave of people started boarding the train. And the lady got struck.
My heartbeat started beating fast and my apprehension came to reality. The automatic sliding door got closed. She remained
inside. Her husband on the platform. Her palm pressing the glass-door. And her husband shocked standing on the platform.
The Metro started rolling. She started crying... Ajjuuuu...
Few fellow passengers said "ARE KOI BAAT NAI HAI... AGLE STATION ME UTAR JANA
TUMHARA PATI WOHI AA JAYEGA DOOSRI TRAIN SE.." (No problem, you can get off in next station, where your husband will come with the next train..").
I thought yes. That she can do. I looked at her hands. No, there were no cell phones. Tears rolling out of her eyes and looking through
the glass door as far as she can look. As if searching for "Ajju.." The Metro stopped at the next station. She quickly got out of the train.
I was watching at her. She ran towards the end of the platform in the opposite direction. And then she stopped. Looking through the lines
with her wistful eyes. Again the sliding door closed and train started moving. I kept looking at her till she got away from my sight.
There were many question in my mind.. I don't know what will happen to her.? Will she able to meet Ajju..? Should I have done something..?
What I could have done..? And the Metro stopped one more time. It was my stoppage. I got out of it. Still thinking of the couple.
Got to the auto stand. Asked who would go to "AMRAPALI ROYAL.."? A guy came and said.. "Sir.. please come to my auto.. I will take you.."
I asked how much will you take? He said Rs 70.. I replied him that its more than the usual rate... He looked at me and with
an assuring vice he said -"Ajju kabhi jyada kiraya nai leta..." (Ajju never ask unreasonable fare..). I felt little
shocked. The name hit straight to my heart. I boarded the auto. Kept my luggage and took my phone out. Dialed a number
and thinking, the way I met this Ajju.. May be till now that lady have got her AJJU... My phone got answered.. "Where are you.. You haven't
reached yet.." I said.. "I will reach in 5 mins.. And one more thing... I LOVE YOU KIDDO...."


H M Badruzzaman
  

Who are THOSE..????

It was 8 PM. Sun was still fighting hard to challenge my eye to look through it. I was sitting in the
patio of my apartment. Scrolling the pictures that I took in my last Golden Gate visit. In this west coast
of USA and in summer, days are quite long. One could see the dazzling light till 8:30 PM.
And watching the sun loosing its dazzle and get vanished in the horizon makes me little silently verbose.
My thoughts take some unusual route to reach some untouched part of my gray matter. I was literally
enjoying the calm evening after a day long meetings and long stretch of fighting with some Lines of Code.
I got a notification in fb. I looked into my iPad. It read "Yashi commented on a post you are tagged in.."
I unlocked it. Touched the fb icon. I could see a red '1' was quite purposely visible at the bottom of the screen.
But before I could touch that, my eyes were on an article which was shared by a friend of mine. It had few
random pictures and a line written in bold - "FOREIGN MEDIA NEVER SHOWS THIS INDIA TO THE WORLD..."
I opened the link. There were around 10 pictures from different part of INDIA. From Yamuna Express Way to Taj Hotels.
From sprawling sky scrapers to swanky IT campuses. From Glittering Necklace Road to Newly build International Terminals.
I stopped scrolling down. From few days I was pondering a lot on this. Its been more than a year for me in USA,
California to be precise. But in-spite of its ultra modern life style, I miss my motherland. In spite of all the
life easing amenities, life seems unattached. When I see people here, with their broad smile while crossing the road,
when I see people waiting and letting the pedestrian go before their cars, when the barber talks to you about
his understanding on economic meltdown, I suddenly feel that I am in a different world altogether.  Here people
have an opinion and they are based on facts and logics which they have explored. I try to think of India,
where still there are people fighting hard to meet their daily needs, fighting to keep the family floating in the
storm of crunching resources. For them being OPINIONATED, being able to think of GLOBAL WARMING, being EMOTIONALLY hurt are too much.
The first and last thing they can think of is - HOW TO EARN BREAD FOR THE DAY...
Now, coming back to the article. Its not that the India that was shown in that
article does not exist. Off-course it does. Off course we are among the fastest growing economy. Off course
we have come a long way. But there is one thing that come to my mind when I think of my India, and
it is - CONTRAST. I am not talking about DIVERSE, rather I am talking about CONTRAST.
We have ANTALIA, the most expensive private home in the world. And if we just move our face, there is DHARAVI,
the largest slum in the world. We have BANGALORE, which is very much comparable to the Silicon Valley here, people think big
and work hard to achieve something in the world platform. And we have BUDELKHAND, where farmers commit suicide in the
burden of poverty and atrocities.
I could remember these words of Mahatma Gandhi - "The soul of the real India Lives in its Villages". Now I am not
trying to say that INDIA of cities is not real. It is also as much real as it is of villages. But if I take
deep dive into the words said by Mahatma Gandhi, I could sense some strings that do connect the soul to
the villages of INDIA. So the question is - "SHOULDN'T WE BE PROUD OF WHAT WE HAVE ACHIEVED..?"
I think off course we should be. We boast to have the largest DEMOCRACY of the world. We boast to be the
bellwether in INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY. We can admire our achievements in SPACE EXPLORATION. We are proud
to have the one of largest armies in the world. We are proud to excel our CULTURAL heritage and show the
world about the learnings of one of the ancient civilization.
But again, at the same time some different chords of mind stroked with few different questions -
Who are those, committing suicide because of poverty. ?
Who are those, leaving primary schools to support family income. ?
Who are those, forced to became DEVDASHIS. ?
Who are those, sleeping in the streets.?
Who are those, searching food pieces in the dustbin.?
Who are those, spending the cold nights without a roof above their head and without clothes on the their body.?
Who are those, lying on the steps of government hospitals unattended by any Doctors or nurses..?
Who are those, walking miles and miles to get a bucket of drinking water..?
Who are those, could not be even touched because of their lower caste..?

I know who all are those. Well they are our Sisters and Brothers. Our fellow countrymen. Why we need Danny Boyle to show us the
condition of our slums. Why we need FOREIGN media to make us pity on our social condition. We must not move away from these
and feel good that we have a different version of story also, which is far rosy than this, we have a different INDIA to showcase which
is not deprived of any of the world's advances. Its a challenge for us to work hard. Hard to our capacity, in whatever way we can to
contribute our part in its building. In the building of a nation where there wont be THOSE sisters are brothers.
We should just accept that the scope is too big for us as a country to grow.
We should not ignore the soul.
We should be modern in thoughts.
We should stop fighting pity battles of caste and religion.
We should broaden our acceptance level.
We should put our every effort as a country to eradicate each and every single THOSE.
We should do our part honestly how much we can do.

Before I could put some more thought on building my nation. It was quite dark and my phone blinked light "Amaa Calling....."
And my thought shifted from motherland to my mother... :)



H M Badruzzaman

Between the MOMENTS....

CALM, GRACEFUL, CONTENT, HAPPY, SATISFIED… These are not mere appearances. These are the extension of the STATE we are in. A question to ourselves, in-spite of BURNING so many calories, in-spite of TORTURING the gray matter to its limit, in-spite of SHOUTING silently within, in-spite of being so CAUTIOUS, in-spite of being so CALCULATIVE, at the end of the day, WHAT HAVE WE ACHIEVED?

In this amazing WORLD, we the amazing CREATURE, sometimes get LOST in the oblivion. Often in search of a HOLY Grail we indulge in a rat race which keeps on eating the amazement. And this whole lively exciting surrounding becomes pale, ubiquitous and barren. But the question is - 

IS THERE really something that amaze us with its pristine beauty in our mundane Life. ??

When we start our day with “YES ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAY”, do we really believe that.?

When we say “See you later”, Are we really looking forward to see him again?

At the every reply of “ITS MY PLEASURE”, does any fragment of real pleasure exists?

“GOD BLESS YOU” after every sneeze, have we really cared for the words.? 

When we say “Good Night and Sweet dream”, are really heading towards a Sweet journey?

And these questions will take us to the first one. Is the tranquility of mind just a myth? With these and many more we can come across a surrounding which is anything but CALM and COMPOSED. 

I have gone through this quite sometime. When I could see and read different faces of the same face. I have learnt dealing with the same people in many ways. Thing that should give HAPPINESS, doesn’t do so. In the crowd of numerous, searching for the know face. A face which would Understand, which would give calmness……….

After parking my car, I was heading towards my room. My slow steps were not willing to move ahead. I could see my room, but my thoughts and puzzled mind pulling me back. I was just few steps away from my door, but my journey seems to be rudderless. I hold my step back, stood there for a moment, and then looked into my watch. I could see the blinking seconds, but could not figure out whats the time. I gently looked above, towards the vast sky. And a lot of frames crossed over my mind. As if so far from the loved ones, far from something unexplainable. Far from so many answers. Far from the known. 

I could sense a breeze hitting my face, I could see few leaves falling from the tree. Out of nowhere I could sense belongingness. Suddenly within a moment those unguided questions doesn’t seems that important. Suddenly the fast heartbeat came to normal. Suddenly those vague frames started getting exact past moments. And yes suddenly those tired and heavy legs were getting energy to take rest of the steps. Within a moment, the demanding questions, searching for answers seem to have lost their credibility and I felt that YES Logic and Pragmatism are not the only thing that can define all the complex curves of LIFE.. 

Some times leave it to the moment and your most troublesome questions will loose its shine. And YES you will be COMPOSED and CALM… 

H M Badruzzaman

MY THOUGHT’S JOURNEY...

Again my thoughts have embarked a journey.

To start or stop, it never needed me.

Some strange pictures are getting their own shapes.

Just watch it, other than that I can’t help.

Few unquestioned answers, hitting the mind.

I know it’s strange, but they are only of that kind.

May be the TRUTH is far behind.

But it’s imagination’s world, where always truth can’t be find.

The ship without the sailor, has struck in a storm.

Tides are hitting the deck & making me less strong.

Something making me feel that I’m guilty, I’m wrong.

And in the middle of no-where, I’m lost & I’m gone.

It’s ‘ACCEPTANCE’ that I always chased.

Not required, only that has to be faced.

DREAMS are there always in my eyes.

But all dreams can’t always go high.

I know all these things, the logics of illogical and reasons.

But why now, my mind is full of puzzled equations?

Why the past is haunting me & making me low?

From where it’s getting the power, for giving me the blow?

I know, the journey of thoughts will always be there.

But it’s fine, for that I can’t FEAR.

DREAMS will always be there in the wistful eyes.

Because its LIFE.. where sometimes RAIN and sometimes DRY.... J

H M BADRUZZAMAN

OPINION, BELIEVE.......... THAT MATTERS.......

Our OPINION, FAITH and BELIEVES, all are bolstered by some thoughts, some facts and sometimes by some persons.. Well I have used the term ‘OUR’ rather than ‘MY’. I don’t know why, but certainly I feel more protected in ‘WE’. May be by doing so I can generalize my acts and thoughts. Okay then, let me try a different way this time. Lets start again-

OPINION, FAITH and BELIEVES, all of these define ‘ME’ as a person, as my approach and as I will be acting on different situations. Sometimes I choose to Believe Something and sometimes I have to Believe in Something. The former happens seldom. And the later mostly bolstered by a number of stellar as well as materialistic things. Off course I have my unaltered PRINCIPLES and my convictions about every moment I face. But, again the WAY of looking into the moment do have different WAYS. And I am sure my gray matter inside the skull have always had the ability of explore all the possible ways. So, what matters most is where have I stopped and what have I perceived. And I know its crucial. Because from that stopping point I embark a journey which comes out to be less exploited. Every time I have embarked such oblivious journey, I Believed it will enhance my CLARITY and will make me a bit more KNOWLEDGEABLE. Every bit of ME knew its a myth. But I always prefer to accept it as it is.

I don’t know where this is going. These obscure words above may not be clear enough to put light on any particular direction. But I think that’s the motto. Because, Whatever mundane work I do. Whatever predictable path I choose. Whatever confidence I have. Finally its always unpredictable and uncertain. So, ‘LIGHT ON PARTICULAR DIRECTION’ is something that can’t be PARTICULAR.  And dangling in the uncertainties I often find myself in a whirlpool. Try to figure out where I was heading to? I always knew I was not lost, as I could see familiar FACES all around. But again somehow I was UNKNOWN in these moments amid known FACES and known PLACES. I become WORRIED if not SCARED. But then, once a step taken towards somewhere is already taken. I try to reassure myself, that Everything can’t be in control, but whatever control I need to have over my actions depending on my prior decisions, I already had. Sometimes it worked and sometime I have to work harder to make myself Fool enough to BELIEVE my own arguments.

Its nothing I am trying to demonstrate. Not that its anything to do with INABILITIES. Its just few words to silently say –

“NO Matter I Couldn't

DO Something FOR Everything.......”

“NO Matter how insignificant and small a step looks in the puzzled scenario...”

“NO Matter how Confusing it SEEMS....”

“My small step towards UNKNOWN is always WORTH....”

“My small BELIEVES in every moment will always COUNT...”

“My small DREAMS to make it big someday will always MATTER....” 

H M Badruzzaman

SCRIBLE.......

SCRIBLE...
Yes thats what I wanted to do. Or rather wanting to do. Taking a deep jump into
the abyss of my thoughts' whirlpool. Wandering around the tangles of my gray matter,
searching the mysterious misteries and watching the endless horizon, I JUST WANT TO SCRIBLE.
The carelessly drawn lines wont be having any significance. But somehow I know, those will
resemble something within me. At times I have a place to park my wave of thoughts, but seldom
that happens. Mostly they find there own niche and they keep hanging there. Now whether they
are significant or not, thats my mind unable to distinguish.
Incidents happens, leave a print deep down. But again 'WHY..??' remains always unanswered.
Walking down the memory lane, deciphering different knots, unknowingly the SMILE dwindled
and got replaced by some strange lines on my forehead. Am I worrid of something?
Offcourse YES... Not so sure.. But yes there is something, beyond the ability of words
to express. And I think thats why I want to SCRIBLE..
Closed eyes, as if an infant has made himself away from the rest of the world's view.
But not having the blankness of that infant. The darkness doesn't haunt, rather it
tells loudly something. That yes someone is watching you. Listening to you. An untangible
presence made me uneasy. But closed eyes remained closed.
I don't want to CALCULATE.
I don't want to WIN.
I don't want to FIGHT.
I don't want to be PRAGMATIST.
I don't want to PROVE.
I don't want to be LOOKED UPON.
Now, I just want to SCRIBLE...
My lonely flight searched something or rather someone. Got many. But the
quest didn't quit. Expectations and desires were also on board and
quite expectedly some got buried. Some got their own wings and some got
pulverised. But again the lonely flight had a lonely landing in the lonely
island.
Far from the ability to distinguish between Good or BAD.
Far from the ability to think LOGICAL.
Far from the reach of LOSS.
Far from the sense of FEAR.
Far from the vastness of the SKY.
Somewhere, I dont know I like it here or not.
Somewhere, I dont know I am accustomed or not.
Somewhere, I dont know I am HAPPY or not.
But right now I dont want to KNOW....
I just WANT TO SCRIBLE....


H M Badruzzaman